Male Sexual Arousal – How Lap Dances and Strip Clubs Affect Male Sexual Desire, Arousal and Behavior

A man has been lying to his wife. For months he has been secretly going out at night to exotic dance clubs, hobnobbing with strippers, and getting lap dances (which he chooses to believe are “innocent” and “harmless”). He has been enjoying his own secret little world that brings him a sense of sensual arousal and illicit overall body pleasure. He tells himself he is “not cheating.” Inevitably however, after some indefinite amount of time, his wife discovers what he has been doing. To his surprise, dismay and disappointment, his spouse is not so receptive or accepting. She is enraged, furious, hurt, devastated and maybe even feeling and behaving out of control. He may be at risk of losing everything – his marriage, his home, and his family.

At this point, the man often feels, “I’ve got to find a way to turn this around. I am attracted to my wife. I love her dearly. She’s beautiful. She’s been good to me. She takes good care of our children. I don’t want a divorce. I want to find a way to make it up to her. I thought I was being real ‘cool’ going to these clubs. I realize now how immature I was.”

Then, the question arises: Why have you been going to see strippers? Why are you paying for lap dances when you have a beautiful wife at home, who you say you love?

The answer, if the man is being honest, sometimes goes like this. “I’m attracted to my wife, but she expects me to “perform” for her or she expects me to always initiate sex. She thinks I don’t desire her because I have not been so interested in being intimate with her lately. Truth is, I’m sometimes afraid of her. She expects me to always be ready and to satisfy her. Lately, she gets angry if I fall short of her expectations – especially since she knows I have received gratification from some of these other women.”

So what is it about strip clubs, strippers and lap dances that causes some men to eagerly return for more while neglecting his readily available wife who he claims to love?

A typical male response might be: “At the dance clubs, I can relax, be myself, have a few drinks, listen to music and watch some beautiful bodies moving slowly, seducing me into a state of arousal. I might invite one of these beautiful young ladies to my table. She might smile at me, perhaps touching my arm, or whispering something seductive into my ear. She might call me honey or baby, offering to make me feel good if I want to dance with her.”

At home, when it comes to sexual desire, some men will say, “I often feel like a frightened child about to be scolded by his angry mother.” They might share that at the club they have sometimes overheard other men say: “I have to go home and do my old lady,” as if it is some chore or drudgery to get through, instead of the pleasurable experience that true intimacy can be.

What do strippers and exotic dancers do that men are craving but not receiving at home?

First, the man is totally receiving. There is nothing he has to do but be there. The woman does all the flirting and seducing. She moves her body seductively. She may gradually remove some of her clothing. She may arch her back and stick her butt out, “an acceptance position” known to trigger sexual arousal in male mammals. Some strippers will not touch the guys at all, but will come very close to touching the men’s faces with her breasts, her crotch, her butt, etc. However, most strippers will touch and do allow touching, even if they are technically not supposed to. It is all about what will make them the most money. Then there are the special “Champagne rooms.” For a very high hourly fee, a man can spend some time in a very private room with the woman of his choice. Here, she may offer additional sexual favors that she claims to only provide for “special” customers.

Second, the exotic dancer’s goal is to stimulate the man, tease him, act as if he is a master at arousing her, and to continually promise him greater and greater pleasure. She makes no demands, appears to have no expectations of him, and gives him no arguments. But there is also no real back and forth communication (except allowing him to voice his unhappiness and frustrations with his life, his marriage or whatever) and there is no love. Sometimes a man begins to feel “love” for an exotic dancer, but what he love is only the image she is presenting and the way she is pleasing him. He most probably doesn’t have a clue about who she really is.

The truth about exotic dancers is this. The girl is there to: support a habit, support her family, earn some money for a specific goal, or as a quick fix for an uneducated, unskilled woman to earn a hefty sum of money. This is a recession proof business – and it is a business, big business. Men have needs, and when times get tough, these needs are often exacerbated. Some men will seek a way to escape and feel good, even if only for a few hours.

Behind their smiles, erotic movements, and seductive words, many of these women actually feel disgust for the men. They don’t like the way these men “get off” on total strangers. They despise the men for “cheating” on their spouses and significant others.
And their only goal is to get as much money as they possibly can by keeping each man aroused and coming back for more.

The man who frequents strip clubs is getting his own narcissistic needs met for attention, arousal, stimulation and praise. He is actually depriving himself of the opportunity for true intimacy, closeness, communication and unraveling of his deepest childhood fears and insecurities. His wife suffers from that same lack of intimacy.

The solution is for each partner to take responsibility for the demise of their intimacy, to take the bull by the horn, to dig in their heels, to get the sexual counseling they can both benefit from, and to literally start their sexual relationship all over again. Literally, beginning all over, they ought to shake hands and say, “Hi. My name is…. I can offer you something wonderful, make you feel better than you have ever felt before, if you will only spend the time to get to know me….”

Sex Counseling For Christian Couples

There are several idealistic ways for a Christian couple to seek sexual counseling. For the couple that feels they benefit from reading, there are many books authored by Christian doctors and writers that focus more on intellectual and spiritual content rather than visual. Many books on sexual counseling and other tips can be found at any major chain of bookstore such as Borders or Barnes and Noble but don’t always carry titles found in the more segregated Christian only stores such as Family Christian Stores. Materials can also be purchased online at shops such as Amazon.com and eBay.com.

Great books to read:

  • Intended for Pleasure – Written by Ed Wheat M.D. and Gaye Wheat. An easy to read reference book with many facts and statistics on sexual health and getting the most out of your sexual relationship as a Christian couple. In the third edition, Intended for Pleasure combines biblical teaching on love and marriage with the latest medical information on sex and sexuality.
  • Sacred Sex – Written by Tim Alan Gardner and Scott M. Stanley. Is a great balance of scriptural truth, challenge to change, practical wisdom, reverence of the Marriage Bed, and God-honoring fun. Christian couples should buy it and read it together to celebrate oneness the way God intended.

Another great way to receive sexual counseling is to speak with a medical professional, face to face. This allows a doctor who has studied both Scripture and sexuality to gear key points directly aimed at a couple’s concerns. You can find a therapist, psychologist, or another form of medical doctor at counseling centers. Many of the larger churches offer a list of sorts where their members can find day to day businesses and professionals that have a strong Christian affiliation. One might find a lawyer, doctor, even a psychiatrist who adheres to Scripture in their career. Search online in your city for counseling centers that are of Christian mind.

However, not all professionals have a degree. Some of the happiest Christian couples experience a healthy sexual relationship the way God intended. Sometimes talking with an older Christian couple in a mentoring environment who has gone through the same struggles as you have can do wonders. They may have had the same questions as you and were able to overcome the same obstacles. They also may be able to guide you in the direction of more in depth help if needed.

The second most important person to ask for guidance and advice is your preacher or pastor. Many spiritual leaders are often mediators to several members of their community and church. Sometimes sitting down with someone and talking things through is the best therapy and medicine.

Of course the most important person to talk to is God. Prayer can do powerful things and a couple who prays together stays together can overcome the most drastic obstacles.

5 Beauty Tips For Teenage Girls: Fact Verses Fiction

Some of the popular beauty tips for teenage girls are not based on any factual evidence but rather hearsay passed down from one generation to another. Often it is the mothers of teenage girls who feel that they are compelled to share beauty secrets with their young female offspring. Unfortunately some of these so-called beauty tips for teenage girls being shared by well-meaning moms are not based on any facts and in some cases may actually cause more harm than good. In this article we will take a look at some of these more popular time-tested beauty tips and tell you whether or not each is based more on fact than fiction.

Beauty Tip #1: Fact or Fiction? Daily Hair Brushing For Healthy Hair

Have you been told that to have healthy hair you need to brush your hair vigorously, at least 100 strokes of the brush, at least once every day? This beauty tip was generally accepted as being true until very recently. Probably because any excessive brushing of the hair will stimulate the production of natural oils in the scalp leaving the hair looking shiny and healthy. Recent studies have shown that this type of excess hair brushing not only causes you to have a very oily scalp leading to plugged hair pores to hinder hair growth plus the action of the brushing alone can weaken hair follicles and enhance the chances of hair breakage. So the smart conclusion seems to be that this is one of those beauty tips for teenage girls which can actually cause more harm than good. Final verdict: Fiction

Beauty Tip #2: Fact or Fiction? Too Much Sitting Causes Varicose Veins

Have you ever seen someone with dark blue veins running like a spider web up and down their legs and feet? If so, then you have seen what are called varicose veins. One of the often shared beauty tips for teenage girls states that these nasty looking veins are caused by sitting too much. In this case, we are dealing with a fact. Varicose veins are brought about by poor blood circulation which often happens when you are sitting for extended periods of time, and also if you happen to be standing in a certain spot for a long time. To help avoid varicose veins it is very important to be moving your body and stretching so that there is good blood circulation throughout your body, especially in the legs and feet. So avoid any situation where you are required to sit or stand for long periods of time and instead try to get up and walk around or if standing, then move from one spot to another to keep that blood flowing.

Beauty Tip #3: Fact or Fiction? Trim Your Hair Makes It Grow Faster

Of all the beauty tips for girls that we are going to look at, this may be one of the most common. Many girls will argue that this really works. Sadly you have cut your hair for nothing, as this does not work and is therefore fiction. Normal hair only grows at an average of one half an inch each month with any excess growth happening only during the summer months. Trimming your hair will not change this growth cycle of the hair and cause it to grow any faster. In fact the hair trimming is doing just the opposite, as once trimmed, instead of having the longer hair you are seeking in reality you now have shorter hair!

Beauty Tip #4: Fact or Fiction? Toothpaste Is An Acne Cure

If you are like many teenage girls and struggle to deal with facial acne, your parent or someone else may have suggested the use of toothpaste as an acne cure for your face. Not only is this a fictional beauty tip for teenage girls, but is one beauty tip that may make your acne problem even worse. The fact is that toothpaste does nothing to help cure your facial acne problem and if this is not bad enough, the chemicals contained in the toothpaste may actually promote even more acne and in some cases even lead to scarring. So again, avoid the use of toothpaste and seek professional advice from a dermatologist about what products are safe and effective to use for your acne problem. After all, it is called toothpaste for a reason!

Beauty Tip #5: Fact or Fiction? A Great Tan Equals Great Health

For many years both adults and teens believed that having a great suntan made you look healthy. Sadly there are still many people who believe this and even products being marketed that will try to fool you into thinking that excessive tanning is good for you. In fact there is lots of research that proves without a doubt that the idea of having a suntan to appear more healthy is false. Concentrated sun exposure often leads to skin cancers, some of which can be fatal to the victim. Recently even tanning beds have been shown to promote skin cancers in some users and there is a growing public demand for restrictions on who can visit sun tanning salons, much like regulating the sale of liquor. Obviously we all like to go outside, especially on a hot sunny day. No one is saying that you can not ever go outside or even go to the beach on a hot day. Rather you have to be much more careful now than in the past due to the harsher rays of the sun. Apply sun protection lotions prior to going outside and if you are planning to spend an extended amount of time in the sun, then use at least sun screen with a SPF rating of 30. Don’t forget to wear a hat to prevent a sun burn on your scalp and wear light clothing to help protect sensitive body parts such as your legs and arms should the lotion wear off. Many of you reading this may find that this is the most difficult one of the beauty tips to accept since we have all been subjected to so many advertisements over the years telling us how attractive looking a sun tan will make you look to the opposite sex.

I hope that these beauty tips for teenage girls discussed in this article will help you stay healthy and avoid some of the dangers associated with blindly believing things that are simply not true when we look at how to be beautiful.